Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
