last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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