apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
