Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
