Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
