question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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