lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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