fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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