look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
