I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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