so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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