I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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