found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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