So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
