God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
