you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
