I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
