No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
