It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
