apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
