there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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