I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Randomize
