The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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