do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
