I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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