Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
