Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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