I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
