How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
