We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
just tell him i said nine months
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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