Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
