A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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