I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
They are going to name an STD after you.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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