Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
