Who did Billy Mays play for?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
