I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize