Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
