two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
