I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
