Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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