Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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