Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Randomize
