dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
