maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
