It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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