Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Semen is not good for contacts.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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