Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
