Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
