so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
