Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
