Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
As shirtless as possible
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
