I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
