Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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