Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
