She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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