new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize