I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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