...so i touched it.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
