I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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