it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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