I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
ugly people sure do ruin things
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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