she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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