Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
