I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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