Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
