The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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