Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
