can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize