whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize