I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
