we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
