We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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