I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
True college students do jello shots in the library
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
