im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
