there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Less talking, more tequila
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
