She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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