Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
People in love make me want to vomit
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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