The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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