Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
