Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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