Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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