She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
