just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
