Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We had sex on a dog bed..
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
