I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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