i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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