thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
