Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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