this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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