it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
