I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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