I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
