I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
