An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
