I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
