and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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