would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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