Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
