Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
