Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
