All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
