Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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