I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize