speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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