I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
