So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
